The third episode, wherein Daniel experiences a few technical difficulties, but nonetheless perseveres to discuss a short story completely unlike any that have come before (at least, on this podcast).
Inspired by the phrase, “It’s all part of the master plan!”
STORY
Sure the castle was ominous, lit only by the occasional flash of lightning. In fact, standing there in the rain, with the wind and who knows what else howling amidst the trees, most people would probably classify it as “menacing.” It was certainly stark, if nothing else. Not what one would call a cheery sort of place to spend an evening while waiting out a torrential downpour. Still, life often gives us only approximations of what we had planned to receive, and it is generally unwise to throw away a box of bananas just because you had anticipated opening a lemonade stand.
Such was the view taken by a certain Arthur Winthrop, as he found himself outside this particular castle on this particular evening, soaked to the bone, hungry, and unable to continue his travels. Deciding to “seize the moment,” he purposed to enter the castle. However, rather than gaining entry by announcing himself at the front door, and drawing any unwanted attention, he had instead opted for a first story window. This served the dual purpose of enhancing his reputation as something of a “cunning figure”. Inside, he found it dryer than the gale he had gone through to get this far, but that was about the only point on which the general atmosphere of the castle was an improvement on its outer appearance.
When one finds oneself in a difficult situation, such as the abandoned library of a madman’s fortress, it is often helpful to repeat to oneself a phrase, as a way of distracting from anything frightening or overwhelming. For instance, a pair of ferocious gargoyle statues leering at you as you crawl over broken glass. Arthur generally chose the phrase “It’s all part of the master plan!”, because, in most cases, it was appropriate. Arthur prided himself on being prepared. In his line of work, it was absolutely vital. An unprepared adventurer does not get the chance to practice their trade for long, unless they also happen to be very lucky. Arthur did not believe in luck, and so, he rarely left things to chance.
Thus, finding himself, as prepared as could be expected, and in a place he considered close to where he wanted to be (at least insofar as it was out of the rain), you wouldn’t blame Arthur for thinking that his “master plan” was bearing quite respectable fruit. You would, however, be quite wrong. In these situations, there is often a layer of mystery, unfathomable to the casual observer, that likes to stay unnoticed in the background, waiting to throw a proverbial monkey wrench in the proverbial works. Except in this castle, such mysteries were slightly more than proverbial.
If Arthur could dry off, he reasoned, and find some food to tide him over until the storm passed, he would soon be well on his way. His plan to traverse the forest had allowed for just such a stop for refreshment and shelter. He would still have plenty of time left to meet his companions on the other side, and with a new story in tow, would only lift himself in their estimations of his ability. Soon his legend would be sung far and wide, and glory, riches, and opportunities would be his to enjoy. Still, none of this was just going to happen. To formulate the best story, and find the food, Arthur’s plan stated that he would need to explore at least part of the castle. Just, hopefully not the parts with more weird statues, if any such parts existed.
There are some things that sneak up on us in life. We are often caught unawares by something unexpected, focused too much on other elements of our surroundings to miss a surprise until it is too late. Sometimes, looking back, we can trace the event’s inexorable march, like that of an angry, pitchfork toting mob, coming for the head of a mad scientist before he can continue his disturbed experiments in the woods. Other times, even in hindsight, the event receives no additional context to help make the result more palatable.
Such was the case when Arthur, still damp and having just located the pantry, was immediately swarmed by a pack of monkeys the scientist had left behind in his haste to leave the castle. Angry as they were, both at their abandonment, and the many painful treatments they had endured in order to gain their unbelievable strength and eagle talons, they instantly seized upon Arthur as an outlet for their displeasure. By the time the mob arrived at the deserted castle, the bird-monkeys had joined their fellows in the nearby woods, and were well on their way to becoming apex predators in the local food chain, and Arthur’s plan, like Arthur himself, was suitably wrenched to pieces.
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